


"Friday Night Pizza" a sitcom starring Mike Schmidt

by UltimateProtagonistNerd



Category: Five Nights at Freddy's
Genre: Jeremy is a dweeb, Mike's potty mouth, Multi, animatronic antics
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-25
Updated: 2015-03-01
Packaged: 2018-02-26 20:34:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2665460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UltimateProtagonistNerd/pseuds/UltimateProtagonistNerd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An AU in which Mike Schmidt hates his life, his only friends are the two other night guards and a gaggle of annoying animatronics that sing. Jeremy Fitzgerald is a lame weenie, Fritz Smith shows up rarely using various excuses and miraculously is never fired for this.</p><p>It's always going to be a long week when you spend Five Nights at Freddy Fazbear's Pizza.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Working at Freddy Fazbear's

Okay, listen up people, let me get one thing straight off the bat, if you ever consider getting a job, even a temporary summer job, don't get it at Freddy Fazbear's Pizza. My name is Michael Schmidt and I don't know how long I can keep myself sane in this place. So the animatronics free roam around this place and that would be rather frightening to most people if it turned out they were trying to murder you to death. However, I could only wish that's what these guys did because at least I wouldn't had to have dealt with this crap for as long as I have.

I sat myself in my seat at 11 for my shift to train the newbies, Jeremy Fitzgerald and Fritz Smith. Those guys won't get here until Midnight and we all get off at 6 am in the morning. So until then I'll just put up with Bon-bon, Foxy and the other jerks. Toy Chica showed up a few times to offer me a cupcake or this "pizzeria's" shitty-ass cardboard that they call the "deluxe", I refused because I pack my lunch to this place. I didn't tell her the reason I always pack my lunch here is to avoid the pizza on purpose, so as to not hurt the chickeny robo-heart thing that might be inside there.

It was rather uneventful as usual, Freddy showed up to "play" with me right before Jeremy walked in the door, apparently his presence automatically awakens The Mangle, whose proper name would be Toy Foxy or something like that. Anyway, the broken apart lipstick-stained monstrosity came down the hallway in order to visit Jeremy for some reason I can't begin to or begin wishing to fathom.

"J, you distract the robo-asshat brigade I'm going on lunchbreak, your training begins in half an hour"

"Aye aye cap'n Schmidt."

"Oh and, don't call me cap'n, I already deal with the Foxies calling me that, if any more people do that I think I'll catch fuckin' scurvy" I say, poking my head back into the office before entering the back room.

Banging came from above in the vents, that means that Balloons Kid, or whatever that abomination's name is, is going around the so-called restaurant again, dropping in on Jeremy to say "Hello" or "Hi" in that high pitched echo. And then I realized this part had one vent too, probably should have a board put on that thing so the characters won't follow the sound of me eating lunch.

Too late, it's eyes stared at me from the vent system. "Hi!"

That was quite startling, I spit out my water and coughed. "You piece of shit don't ever do that again"

Apparently, this was hilarious to him, because he giggled. Either that or the only two things it knows how to do are 'giggle' and 'greet' people.

Anyways it was about time to take the call from the day guard, or "Phone Guy" on how to train new people how to not suck at their jobs. As far as Jeremy knows the phone guy has no name but "Phone Guy", maybe he should check out the employee records like I did to learn his name. But that would require digging through papers, something J-Fitz probably doesn't even remember how to do by this point.

The phone rang and a familiar voice crackled to life through it from the other end, "Hello?... uh, hello"

 "Yes, so... what's todays lesson and or legal disclaimer about?"

"Um actually, how have Jeremy and Fritz been doing?"

"Pretty decently with the advice you gave them," I almost said "except Fritz hardly shows up and I couldn't really tell you who was Fritz out of a line like those ones where the woman points out the guy that stole her purse in those cop dramas." but nah, Guy'll find that out somehow.

"So all you really need to do now is to... what day is it?"

I checked my calender "Uhh, Jeremy started back on Monday and I think it's been... it's Friday"

"To wrap up training all you need to do is give them a full tour of the restaurant and how to lock down the parameters should someone break in, in say like a robbery or uh, any reason really."

"I don't wanna know what kind of other reasons someone would break into a Crap E. Cheese like this place for other than robbing money small children bestowed it."

"Well... just be careful I found some stuff broken in the morning.. but uh, you should have gotten it on the security camera's data to catch who could have done that."

"What was brok-" before I could get further information the Balloon Kid cut off my phone and laughed like an idiot.

"Listen up you little asshole, I was on an important call, if you ever even want to see a balloon again I'd wipe that smirk off my face and go to the prize corner and think about my life."

"Hi!" he giggled and then ran back into the vent before I could find anything more than the newspaper on the desk to smack him around with.

I decided I should probably go check on Jeremy now, leaving my sandwich and chips on the desk. Jeremy was fiddling with the camera and turned to see me "oh Mike, I ... I think I found where Fritz has been hiding all this time, he pointed at the room on the camera. Fritz Smith had been slacking off for the past four nights, in the ----


	2. Fritz has been Found

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do apologize for such a wait for chapter two, I hope it wasn't too long.

"Party Room, what is he doing in the party room?" I ask

"Looks like he's screwing around and playing cards."

"With himself?"

"No, one of the animatronics is there"

"Wait... which one?"

"Its a little dark but it looks like Freddy"

"God fucking damn it Fritz, I am so going to call Guy and-" I grouse, bringin my flashlight into the room and pointing it at the two playing cards.

"Go fish" rang Fazbear's metallic voice.

"Aww man, ya sure you didn't got a 5?"

"Yes, I am certain"

Honestly I stood there in shock, they had obviously hired a friggin cretin when they chose this asinine ninny. Spending his time playing cards on his own volition with an entity that only serves to entertain idiot kids and irritate rational, perfectly sane adults. Though I shouldn't be to harsh, Guy seems genuinely appreciative of this place, and I like him. Calm down, Schmidt, calm down.

"Glad you could join us Mikey, why don't you come have a seat?" waved Freddy.

"Not now Freddy, I'm just here to talk sense into my trainee" I sighed out, "and only my mother gets to call me Mikey...

Then behind me clanging sounded and Fitzgerald was laying on the ground, oh god only one of these trashheaps could have done this.

Their irritating screech of a so-called voice, "heeeey guys, playin a game in here?" , the Mangle asked.

To my disgust it, Freddy, and Fritz all seemed to be paling around. Annoyed, I went back to my desk, forgetting Jeremy is now down for the count in the doorway to the party room.

Just, screw all of these morons for the time being.


End file.
